Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
Here's a start....
So I don't want to post all 40 of my videos from youtube on here but feel free to come visit my channel and catch up on the previous videos. In the mean time here it a start...
And here is the one following this....
So that is what is going on right now. I know that it doesn't really say where I am in the whole process but maybe I will make some videos to catch you up so that you don't have to watch all the others to get it all.
And here is the one following this....
So that is what is going on right now. I know that it doesn't really say where I am in the whole process but maybe I will make some videos to catch you up so that you don't have to watch all the others to get it all.
Wow.
Ok. I just came on here to post that I don't really use this blog for anything other than trying to keep track of the blogs that I like to read.
And boy was I shocked!!! I don't not remember posting the last entry. I remember that time, when I was feeling overwhelmed but I have no remembrance of making that entry.
I think that maybe I will start to post the videos that I make and post to youtube. I have found it much much easier to vlog. Writing is so exhausting. And requires more cognitive function than I have right now.
And boy was I shocked!!! I don't not remember posting the last entry. I remember that time, when I was feeling overwhelmed but I have no remembrance of making that entry.
I think that maybe I will start to post the videos that I make and post to youtube. I have found it much much easier to vlog. Writing is so exhausting. And requires more cognitive function than I have right now.
Friday, January 14, 2011
I'm done.
Thats all. I'm just done. I've been fighting this beast for 10 and a half months and still not seeing any progress. Right now I just feel so emotionally, mentally, and of course and always, physically drained. I feel like I have done so well but all the sudden it is all just crashing around me.
I think that it is now with the prospect of a PICC line here in the near future that I am just so over it all. I have wanted a picc for a while but I didn't think it was an option. Well, now with more testing and stuff going on I will soon be getting one and I am so so ready. I have no, and when I say no I mean NO, motivation to keep up with the orals for 2 wees or so until I can get the picc.
Yesterday I had an anxiety attack and today I had one. I feel that I need a break. To give my mind and body a little breather before I start the intense IV therapy. I have confidence that the IV antibiotics will be a turning point in my illness. I hope anyway.
Tomorrow I'm having my sister call my Dr. to see if I can go off the antibiotics for the next week and a half or so until I get the picc. I don't really see my Dr. having a problem with it except that I just started a couple new meds and I don't know how that worsk, I don't want to stop them and have my body build up a resistance where they won't be effective later. I don't know. I really don't think she is going to care though. 2 weeks. It isn't that long.
So yeah. I have just been crying all evening. It is 3:20am. and at least 6 or 7 hours after I too my anti-anxiety pill I am still unhinged. I absolutely HATE feeling this way. I never had anxiety prior to Lyme. It actually has only reared its head in the last 3, maybe 4 months. But i tell you what, I would much prefer pain to anxiety. I know how to deal with pain. I know why it is there. I know how to explain it. But anxiety, I don't know why I have it, it is an "all in your head" thing, and its hard to explain how you feel or why.
::Jesus, just give me the pain. I can handle the pain. I know how to cope with pain. But this anxiety is pushing me over the edge. God help me! Help me sort out all my thoughts and feelings. Help me also to understand and accept your will in all of this. Amen::
I think that it is now with the prospect of a PICC line here in the near future that I am just so over it all. I have wanted a picc for a while but I didn't think it was an option. Well, now with more testing and stuff going on I will soon be getting one and I am so so ready. I have no, and when I say no I mean NO, motivation to keep up with the orals for 2 wees or so until I can get the picc.
Yesterday I had an anxiety attack and today I had one. I feel that I need a break. To give my mind and body a little breather before I start the intense IV therapy. I have confidence that the IV antibiotics will be a turning point in my illness. I hope anyway.
Tomorrow I'm having my sister call my Dr. to see if I can go off the antibiotics for the next week and a half or so until I get the picc. I don't really see my Dr. having a problem with it except that I just started a couple new meds and I don't know how that worsk, I don't want to stop them and have my body build up a resistance where they won't be effective later. I don't know. I really don't think she is going to care though. 2 weeks. It isn't that long.
So yeah. I have just been crying all evening. It is 3:20am. and at least 6 or 7 hours after I too my anti-anxiety pill I am still unhinged. I absolutely HATE feeling this way. I never had anxiety prior to Lyme. It actually has only reared its head in the last 3, maybe 4 months. But i tell you what, I would much prefer pain to anxiety. I know how to deal with pain. I know why it is there. I know how to explain it. But anxiety, I don't know why I have it, it is an "all in your head" thing, and its hard to explain how you feel or why.
::Jesus, just give me the pain. I can handle the pain. I know how to cope with pain. But this anxiety is pushing me over the edge. God help me! Help me sort out all my thoughts and feelings. Help me also to understand and accept your will in all of this. Amen::
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